Attachment parenting

I never thought I would have categorized myself as a “type” of parent. I always thought I was doing a mix of different types of parenting. But the more I read up on it the more it seems like I belong in the attachment parenting category. I read there are 8 principles of attachment parenting (link to the 8 principles). And I fit into all but 1.

1. I took pride in my pregnancy. Even though pregnancy didnt agree with my body. I loved the fact that I could feel them growing in there. I felt connected. Knowing that I created that little thing felt like a miracle. My own little miracle.
2. I am breastfeeding as much as I can. I fed my son until he was 18 months old and I will most likely do the same with my daughter. I know there is a biological connection between breastfeeding and feeling the bonding between mother and child….but it feels so much more than just a chemical reaction. I love playing with her while she eats. I love ticklin her and making her giggle while she tries to focus on her food. I don’t quite love the finger jabbed up my  nose but then all of a sudden she will put her toe in her ear while she eats and seeing that makes it worth it. I am enjoying all the quarkiness that comes with breastfeeding.
3. I respond to my kids questions reasonably and with as much information as I can. I try to make them smarter while also showing them I care about what they are thinking. I will admit there are times where I get frustrated and make dad do the talking but for the most part I try.  If something is wrong with my kids I try to talk to them and try to understand what is wrong. I talk it out. Not only does this help me understand my kids but it helps my kids understand the world.
4. I use the nurturing touch technique. I have always been a lovey dovey type person. I play wrestle. I kiss my kids. I don’t only kiss them when they are hurt. I kiss them when I feel like it. I hug them. I cuddle with them. I play with them. I tell them I love  them all the time. I show them that how much I love them. And they give it right back.
5. I don’t like to admit it because to many people judge it…but I co-sleep. My baby sleeps in my bed. It is safe co-sleeping if course. But I want my baby next to me all the time. I was always more worried about the baby not breathing and me not hearing it over he monitor or just the fact that I was thinking about the baby so much that I couldn’t sleep. I am a light sleeper anyways…so having then next to me…I was able to hear all sounds and cries and moans. It was not only comforting to me but to my babies.
6. My husband and I decided, as a couple, that we would change our lives for our kids. We are around our kids all the time. We don’t go out as much anymore. We go out once a month. (Which is better on our pockets). But we are together as a family. I even worked from home (until a few days ago) just to be closer to my kids. I didn’t put my son in daycare until he was 18 months old and that was only because he needed the socialization. He was bored at home with mommy and nanny. He needed kids. My daughter is the same way…so friendly and social. I worked from home to be near her. I had a nanny come to the house instead of sending her to daycare. I love being around my kids.
7. The part I struggle with is the discipline. I have gone back and forth with how to discipline my kids. I grew up in an abusive home so I knew I didn’t want to use force. I tried to do the butt spank (not beat) or the smack in the hand but I got no where with it. At one point my son even laughed at me when I smacked his butt. And that’s when I knew… I was using the wrong approach. So now I use every tantrum as an educational tool and I have started to use time out. And for me…that’s that works. I get a better reaction from my kids when we sit I time out and talk. So this principle is still a work in progress.
8. My hubby and I definitely strive for balance in our lives. We have mommy and daddy time. Maybe not as much as we would like…but we do have it. We support each other emotionally and physically. We love and support our kids. We live happy lives. We love each other whole heartedly. He is my rock. We are a family  that shows each other love an support at all times. Yes we have given up our freedom. But we are parents. That is something that we came to accept. But as we see it…..we have only lost a few years of us…..and for 2 beautiful babies it was worth a few years. As long as we do the best we can in the meantime…we always have next year. Or maybe the year after that…………

I love my family. I love my choices. I love my life.

Baby Advice

My beautiful niece had her baby the other day. I’m so excited for her. This is an adventure that she’s going to enjoy, love, and be scared of…all at the same time. She will be intimidated by motherhood but completely fall in love with the experience of being a mommy.

I am not a “new” auntie (obviously – because she herself is my niece…but I don’t know what title I am to my nieces daughter – other than auntie). But I think I feel so connected with my niece and her experience because I am so excited for her journey through motherhood. It’s about the ride. It’s about creating this life inside of you. It’s about having the baby. And it’s about all of the things that come with it. This is such a beautiful experience. And I’m so excited for her and happy for her.

I can’t stop giving her advice and telling her about my experiences. Even if she doesn’t want the advice…I have been giving it. (yes….I told her she can tell me to shut-it any time she wants). And I know for most mom’s…..they don’t want advice. Moms get tired of hearing advice. A little is ok but dont go overboard. I don’t want her to think I’m trying to tell her how to raise her baby. I’m just trying to help her and give her guidance. My goal is to let her know what is coming and give advice that way. If possible, I want to avoid giving advice for something that has already happen. (unless she asks for it of course) But when you give advice after the fact….then its not so much advice because then it sounds like you are telling the mom they are doing something wrong or how to do something better. And I definitely don’t want to do that.

 

So far I have given her advice/old her my experiences on:

• breastfeeding
• taking the classes on babies that they offer at the hospital
• having a C-section
• how to massage her c-sec scar to avoid getting a c-shelf
• Watch the “happiest baby on the block” to calm a baby

And there is plenty more to come……..

 

A lot of the experience that I have is from my past because I grew up around a lot of kids. I would say I was raised in a bi family, but that is not completely true. It was big…but only because my mom and my sister would bring in random strangers and make them family. Some people collect animals and my family would collect stray kids. haha. My experience also came from watching others parent and thinking to myself… “Man I’m never going to do that.” Or watching other parents and saying… “Oh that’s pretty cool. I like that. I’m going to try that.” And I also learned a lot by doing research. (because that is the type of person I am) On a side note – learning all of these different things also inspired me to write this blog. And if I can save my niece the time and headache of doing a lot of the research herself then why not give her the advice and let her know my experiences because maybe it can help. You never know. And if I can help her to overcome any of the fears about babies and pregnancies and life then I’m going to try and help her any way I can.

I wish the best of luck to my beautiful niece and her beautiful baby. Love you! xxooxx