What is wrong with me?

I am wide awake. It’s midnight and I am wide awake. Not because a baby is keeping me up and not because my hubby is coughing every 10 minutes. (Even though those things are happening.) But I am awake because of me. My 37 year old body is failing me. I am hurting everywhere. This sucks.

I went through some stuff with my kidneys recently. Had a kidney infection that sent me to the ER. A few weeks later I felt bubbles in my urethra when I peed. I went to a urologist and had tests up the ying yang. Had an IVP and cystogram done – which by the way are not cheap. And they found nothing. All came back normal. Then had my cystoscopy and we saw the air bubble – bright as day – right there on the camera. And all the doc could say was “well there is no explanation for the bubbles – so maybe you are just one of the people that has bubbles when they pee.” Like it was nothing. Tests are normal so this must be normal (even though it’s not).
Then a week later I bend over and pain shoots down my butt cheek. Crap! There goes my back again. That’s all I needed was my herniated disc to start acting up. So I tried to give it time. Maybe it will go away on its own. Not so much! I go to the orthopedic surgeon and he sends me to get another MRI. Well I do and guess what…Now I have 2 herniated discs and a 3rd that is close to herniation. Great! I looked at my MRI images and you would think they were for a 60 year old woman! I’m screwed. The doc is sending me to get my pain management injections next week so hopefully I can get off my ass and not be in pain anymore. Yay me!!!
Oh but wait….there’s more! I am still awake now because I am in pain. Not only am I still in pain from my herniated discs but now my joints are hurting. At least I think it’s my joints. My fingers and toes and ankles hurt. They feel like they need to pop but can’t. My knuckles on my fingers are bigger than they used to be. My wedding run doesn’t fit. I can’t take anything for the pain because I am breastfeeding. So I’m in pain. I am laying in bed wide awake wondering if this pain will subside. Lesson just enough for me to close my eyes and get a little sleep. Long enough to not lose my marbles when I wake up in the morning to two kids needing mommy to take care of them. I am so not a morning person, so tomorrow is not going to be fun.
But here I go….finishing this post so I can attempt to close my eyes and sleep. Dream of a back with no pain, a bladder with no bubbles and the hands and toes of a 20 year old. Ok wait….if I get to pick the dream…I get the body I had when I was 20. The whole thing. The tight tummy. The nice booty. The hands and feet that work. A body that was young, tight and fit and had no pain.

Hey….I’m allowed to dream…just don’t wake me up!!! Goodnight!


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