I read an article the other day called “10 Habits of Happy Couples” and it got me to thinking. There are a lot of habits that my hubby and I have that could maybe inspire other couples to be happy like us. Last month my hubby and I will have been together for 20 years. Can you believe it??! 20 years! And I am also proud to say that we still love each other. We have stuck by each others sides through it all. We have even worked at the same jobs just to be near each other. And yes, there have been a couple big arguments along the way. And when I say a couple….I literally mean a couple. We have had disagreements…but…not agreeing about something does not make it an argument. So those 20 years have been happy years. I love my hubby with all my heart. He is my world. Well him AND my kids. But I thought that if I shared some of our good habits with you….then maybe your relationship can last just as long or even longer…..
- Communication – All relationships rely on communication. You must always talk to one another. Yes sometimes a quiet moment is good. Just sitting in the room at the same time and not saying something is good. But when there are things to say….say it. Take each others feelings into consideration when you say what you say and be respectful of the others feelings.
- Honesty – Every good relationship relies on honesty. No secrets. No lies. Just honesty. And yes for some of you out there – your relationship is still going strong even though you either lie or “with hold the truth”. But from my perspective….you need to always be honest with each other. If something is bothering you, speak your mind. If you like the way they did something, tell them. If they do something you really hate, tell them. If you do something bad, tell them. Nothing will ever get fixed if you keep it bottled inside. If its bad enough and you don’t say something then it will just eat at you from the inside until you break. And when you break you will either yell or be angry or it will just be too late to fix. People are not mind readers. No one knows how you are feeling unless you tell them.
- Say “I love you” – just because you have been together for a long time does not mean that you know how each other feels. Some people have fallen out of love…some people are unhappy….BUT if you love that person….tell them. It feels good to hear it. You could make their day by saying it. And don’t get me wrong – don’t over do it and say “I love you” every hour. But say it before you hang up the phone or before you go to bed. Some thing like that. You never know if (God Forbid) something happens and you cant say it anymore – you will want them to know they were loved.
- Say Goodnight – Give them a goodnight kiss. Or just say goodnight before you go to bed. Either way. This is a good way to not only let yourself have closure for the day but also your partner. It can give both of you a good nights rest.
- Don’t go to bed angry – This will not only make you stay up and worry but it could affect your dreams. It will also affect how you wake up in the morning. No one wants to start off their day pissy. Hash it all out before you go to bed. And if you cant – still say good night. It can lessen the amount of stress you feel as you sleep – maybe making it easier on you when you wake up in the morning.
- Find similar hobbies – if your hubby only likes cars then you need to “try” to find some kind of liking for cars. If you only like to read then your hubby should maybe ask you about what you are reading. Things like that. It is all about trying to find interest in something your partner likes (even if you don’t like it at all). Your partner will see that you are trying and it will make them feel good. However, it is A LOT easier if you find things that you both find interesting such as hiking, biking, crafts, etc. When you ask eachother questions about what you are doing or even ask the other for help, it makes the other person feel included in your life. If not it may seem like you are both leading different/separate lives and it could cause a permanent separation between you and your other half.
- Go places together – you may like to shop (as most women do) but include your hubby. Take him to the store with you, ask his advice on things before you buy them, go with him to Home Depot….do things together. When you go places together it doesn’t have to only be shopping. You can go to dinner, go to a movie, go people watching, go out dancing…You can literally do anything – just do it together. If you tend to do a lot of things separately (i.e. dancing with the girls every Friday or grocery shopping by yourself) then again it will cause a separation between the two of you. Include each other in what you do. It will give your partner a little perspective on you.
- Hold hands or kiss – I know a lot of people are not into PDA. But every once in a while it can make your partner feel good. Hold hands while walking through a store. Smack their butt as they walk by. Give a small peck on the cheek when they least expect it. Showing your partner a little affection can go a long way.
- Date Night – whether it is one night a month or every weekend….have a date night. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Just something for the two of you to enjoy. It could just be going to dinner together or going to a movie together. And I should point out that Date Night does not include a whole night with your friends joining your date. You can however meeting up with your friends at a bar/club AFTER your date. But the point is to have some time with each other that is away from home, away from stress, away from kids/pets, etc. It’s a date where you both can enjoy each other with no interruptions.
- Sex, Sex and more sex – Sex is great. Not only for the feeling that the big O gives you but for the closeness you feel with your partner. Sex is when you can be closest to each other to make one another feel good. Sex is good for your endorphins. Its good for your ego. Its good for your libido. Its good for a relationship. Be spontaneous. Spice it up. Change positions, changes locations….something…anything. Don’t have boring sex. Its not good for your partner or for yourself. Fulfill a fantasy every once in a while. You should both be leaving with a big O and a smile.
Ok…my list is done. There are many other things that I could add to this list but for the most part – I think these are the most important. And after re-reading this is seems to say “be with each other all the time”. But that is not the case. Don’t misunderstand what I am getting at – I am not saying you have to be together 24/7 but everyone likes to be included once in a while. I mean really – you didn’t get in a relationship to be alone. No one wants to marry someone they will never be around and have nothing in common with. A lot of these things are common sense but trust me – there are a lot of people who don’t do these things or they don’t think to do them or they think their partner wont like it. And I am by no means telling any of you that you have to go out and do these things and that will be the only way your relationship will work. But you ever know until you try. And I am just sharing what works for me. Good luck to all of you and I wish all of you the longest, happiest relationships that you can handle.