There are so many emotions that you go through being a mother. When you are pregnant the doctors warn you about depression. The big thing is post-partum depression. And apparently it happens more often than not. And it happens more so after the 2nd baby. Because of the added stress. And after just having my second baby I can honestly tell you that I am not depressed but I can totally see how women can fall into that dark place. I can see how easy it can be to lose yourself.
When your whole day is – wake up, breastfeed, breakfast, dress, brush teeth, breastfeed, school, work, breastfeed, work, breastfeed, school, park, breastfeed, dinner, bed routine, breastfeed, fall asleep – you tend to lose track of you. It’s just go go go. No break. No you time. Your you time – is kid time.
And yes – I signed up for this. And yes – this has been my life for the last 3 years and counting (with the now added bonus of a crying baby and breastfeeding). And yes – I am happy I did it. Don’t get me wrong…I love my kids. But I get a little stir crazy.
I only get to shower in the late afternoon…when I am done working and the baby is asleep. (For those if you that don’t know…I work but I work from home.) My house hasn’t been cleaned in 2 weeks. (And for me that is very bad. I am looking at this mess and cringing). I haven’t had more than 1/2 a glass of wine in what feels like forever! I would like to write my blog but then I have to decide…1 hour to blog or 1 extra hour of sleep. (And lately sleep…has owned that fight.)
I didn’t really notice how hard it was at first because my mom was here helping me. And oh man…am thankful that I had my mom here to help me. Even though I did more than I was supposed to (after surgery)….and even though my bank account is happy she is gone…I am thankful that I had someone there to talk to during the day while hubby was at work. It gave me time to breathe without having to stress about taking the boy to school or changing a diaper when all I really wanted to do was lay down and relax.
But now that she is gone….this is my reality. I have to work. I have to take care of my babies. I have to clean my house. And I have to deal with it. No worries…I can have my sanity in 3 years when they are both in school. Ahhhhh the life of a mother….It is definitely something to be praised!!!