I had a rough night the other night. From my last post you can see that I have not been sleeping well. But the night I am referring to is special. It was a long night. I only slept maybe 3 hours and it was interrupted sleep…so not really sure you can count it as sleep. I have been so sleepy lately that I cant really tell my dreams from reality. My dreams are so vivid that they seem real. Usually I can tell but the last couple of dreams I have had have been so vivid they seem real. I don’t know?!?!
The first dream that felt real was a bad one. It felt so real that I couldn’t sleep for a few hours. It scared me so bad that my eyes and my brain were fused open and I worried about my babies safety. If you read my last post you know that I have been trying to figure out my babies sleep comfort zone while also trying to follow the SIDS prevention rules. Well I think that doing this has affected my dreams and my subconscious. The baby and I were sleeping in my bed (around 1am) after I just gave up on the back sleeping….and she was laying parallel to me. She was eating. And mind you my boob is bigger than her head. I have to hold the boob away from her nose so she can breathe. AND mind you….whenever I breastfeed it puts me to sleep. I cant stop it….I just pass out! Every time. No matter where I am. I will be in a public bathroom, sitting in a chair, laying bed, in the car….and I will be falling asleep. So in this dream/reality….we were in bed laying parallel and I was breastfeeding. Apparently I fell asleep and woke up to my boob covering her face. Her face was purple. I removed my boob and moved her head and she immediately changed color back to where she should be. She whined a little but went to sleep.
The more and more I tell this story the more it seems to be a dream. Her face changed color immediately. She only whined a little when I moved my boob off her face. When normally (when I am awake) and my boob covers her nose for even a second….I move it and she screams. It’s a short scream but still a scream. Either way…..It scared me enough to stay awake and watch her sleep. I couldn’t close my eyes after that. I was panicked. I felt like I almost hurt my baby. And I couldn’t live with myself if I would have really hurt her.
Then the dream I had last night wasn’t as dramatic but it still felt real. Its throwing me off. I was changing her poopy diaper and like the nice little girl she is…..she began to poop AGAIN. I didn’t quite have the diaper on all the way but I swore I “caught” all the poop. I put the diaper in the trash and fed her and we went to bed. Apparently I dreamt that I didn’t get all of the poop because in my dream it was all over the bed. Well I know now that it was a dream but last night….that dream felt real. I swore I had poop on my bed and I was going to have to wash blankets in the morning. Then when I got up in the morning I looked down at the bed and there was no poop. Talk about confusing. I swore there was poop on the bed. It was so real. But…it wasn’t. It was a dream.
I wouldnt mind so much if all of my weird “real” dreams were about poop but when they bring in my babies safety…that’s when I have a problem. So confusing!