Today was a bad mommy day. I think the cards were dealt against me today. Or at least it felt that way. It seems like my mood is bad and then a lot of bad things happened, which of course made my mood worse.
It started with not getting enough sleep, which is my norm lately…but for some reason today it “felt” like I didn’t get enough sleep.I have had a kink in my neck for the last week and it seems like every day the kink gets worse. I woke up this morning and both sides of my neck hurt. I took my pills and ended up falling asleep while breastfeeding. I didn’t even get my first sip of coffee in before I passed out. The baby and I both slept in the glider for about another 40 minutes. And you would think that this helped….but nope. I woke up and still felt tired.
Then I decided to give my little girl a sponge bath. Well that didn’t work out as well as I planned. I knew it would be a hard task because I have given her a bath once before and she hated it. She hates being naked AND she hated the water. So I knew it was going to be rough. I get the water ready and my hubby brings her in. He touches the water and says… “Isn’t that a too hot?” I look at the thermometer and it says 97. In my head I am thinking… “well the rule says a baby bath temp should be between 90-100.” So I look at the hubby and I say… “I don’t think so.” So he puts her in the water and she begins to scream. And when I say scream…I mean scream! So I get a little paranoid and I pull her little feet and butt out of the water (there was only an inch of water…but still…I wasn’t sure). And within about 1 minute of sitting there (body out of the water)…the temperature goes down to 93. She continues to scream bloody murder (both in and out of the water). So in my head I am a little worried but I still wash her up. I just do it fast. I take her out of the bath and I wrap her up in her little towel. She finally looks content and calm but her butt and feet are red. So I think my hubby was right….I think the water was too hot.
Then I put her on my shoulder so I can go grab her clothes off of the counter with my other hand. But apparently I held her a little too close to my shoulder because when I pull her away she takes a long breath and then screams like I have never heard before. It took me a second to register what just happened but then I do. I realize that I held her too close to my shoulder and she couldn’t breathe. I was suffocating my baby girl! Fear and sadness rushed over me. And suddenly I got tears in my eyes as I thought about the few seconds before. All it takes is one second. One measly second to plug her little nose and I could have really hurt her. I bring her out to the living room and I tell my hubby and my mom what happened and my mom replies… “It was an accident. Don’t let the guilt take over. It can be overwhelming.” And then it made sense….I realized that I was letting that little accident really affect me. Maybe it was the hormones. Or maybe it was be being self-conscious to my mood but I let the guilt take over. I felt so bad. My little girl was over it but I wasn’t. Suddenly I was smothering her with kisses and I was whispering… “Im sorry baby girl. Mommy didn’t mean it. Im sorry.” It took me a second but then all was better. I fed her, I hugged her and she slept.
I thought to myself….my day has to get better after this. But then my bad day continued. We decided to take family pictures today. They were holiday pictures so we all looked the part with our red, black and white outfits. The baby girl looked so cute in her poufy, girly red dress. And I got a dress that hid my flaws. Both of my boys looked handsome in their white button up dress shirts. We looked cute.
Well leave it to us……we were running late to the photo session. (And I am not going to point the blame anywhere on this blog – even though most can probably decipher what/who made us late). So we get to the picture place. I am in the car feeding the baby and getting her dressed at the same time. Both boys went inside to tell them we were here. I get inside and my hubby still hasn’t dressed Lil D. We get into the back section where they take the photos and we have to quickly dress little D. Then the baby starts crying. She is hungry because I had to cut her feeding short. So we start taking photos and of course my little girl refuses to “not cry” for any of them. Then half way through my toddler starts acting like a toddler. Great timing!!! The picture lady was grumpy which didn’t help my mood AT ALL. So she finally suggests that we take a little break. Feed the baby. Walk around. And she will work her next appointment and then we can start again when we are done. I was so over the pictures that I was ready to go home. My son was being a terror and my daughter was not having any of it. I was at the end of my rope. So we agree and we take the break. We are hoping that the girl will “not cry” for at least a couple of pictures so we have something to choose from. Well after feeding her and letting the boy play for a little bit we come back to the pictures. We get about 3 photos in and she begins to cry and scratch at her face and my boy starts throwing things and sucking his thumb.
WHAT!!!!! Yes I said it…..he starts sucking his thumb!!!! WTF!!!! We don’t do that here. He has never once put his thumb in his mouth. And now he is doing it at a photo shoot. What the hell is going on?!??!!?! I am totally confused. I am telling my boy to stop and I am begging my girl to stop. And I am just ready to go. I don’t care if we get a photo…I just want to go home. My mom then tells me that there is a new boy in his class that pee’s his pants, cries the whole time he is there and he sucks his thumb. GREAT!!!! These are not the qualities that I want my boy to pick up. So now we have to put a stop to that new bad habit.
By this time my skin is boiling. My attitude sucks. My kids aren’t helping. My hubby is telling me to calm down…it will be ok…he is just acting like a toddler. And all I keep thinking about are the bad habits that he keeps picking up in school. We get in the car and stop by the store to get some food. Luckily the baby fell asleep on the way to get food…so we are all able to sit and enjoy our meal. But then of course…she decides to wake up and screams the whole way home. She is being consoled the whole way home and I am trying hard to cool my jets. Do a whoooosaaawwww and make myself feel better on the inside. That way my mood doesn’t rub off onto anyone else. We get home and I feed the baby. She finally passes out and I and able to take a breath.
My night ends with that. Even though my day was a little scattered, emotional and overwhelming….I am definitely thankful for my family. I am thankful that I am not doing this alone. I can see how some people can easily loose it. After having a baby your emotions are a definite rollercoaster. Every once in a while I need that comfort of having someone there to help me…if not for the physical support…definitely for the emotional support…to help pull me out of my funk. And after all of that…we got a picture of the girl not crying and the boy not being a terror. Yay us!