I Feel Like the Worst Mom Ever

I feel like the worst mom ever….at least right now I do. I hurt my little boy last night. It was a total accident but it doesn’t make me feel any less guilty. And why is it I cried more than he did?!?!?!

Ok…well here is what happened. I was putting him to bed and we were doing his normal nightly routine. I give him his meds, brushed his teeth and then went into his room to get ready for bed. I put him on the bed and my independent boy (who MUST do everything himself) turns out the lights.

Maybe before I go into the story I will explain his room a little bit. It’s kind of like a children’s program threw up all over the walls. Haha…no but really…. My husband and I painted mural of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on one wall….then I painted Elmo’s room on another wall….then he has alphabet letters stuck to the other wall….and when the lights are out and you look up and there are glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling. I even put some of the actual constellations in there.

his room

So back to the story…part of our routine is for him to turn out the lights, we lie on his bed and stare up at the stars and then we sing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star”. When that is done we say his prayers. THEN it’s time for “actual” bed. We lie there quiet. He makes little noises trying to keep himself awake. (mind you – this bed time routine is about a 30 minute process) Then every night like clockwork, after we have already been lying down for 15 minutes he asks for some milk. And like the sucker I am…I get up to give him some milk. I know I shouldn’t but let’s not talk about my “list of shouldn’t do’s” right now.  (insert a side tilted smiley face) Usually he will drink a little milk and 5 minutes later he will be asleep. WELL…not last night. Last night he decided he wanted to play in bed. He sleeps in a day bed. And the day bad creeks and makes noises when you move. It was dark in his room and I was listening to the creaking bed, the rustling around and his little noises he was making…and I knew he was playing and not sleeping. I knew he was climbing over the day bed by the wall….but what I didn’t know was that his leg was stuck between the bed and the wall. I reached up to grab him and lay him back down on the bed. I sternly said, “Its bed time, not play time.” But then out of nowhere I heard loud screaming, which turned to crying. And then I realized the scream came from my baby boy. I immediately thought, “OMG OMG OMG what did I do…..what did I do!!!!” I turned on the light. And he was bawling. I called my husband in the room. We checked his leg for anything broken, any bruises or anything swollen and everything looked ok. I cried, the baby cried, we all cuddled to make it better. And finally he fell asleep in my arms.

This morning he woke up in a great mood. He kissed me good morning, said he loved me and asked for cookies. And in case you are wondering – no we don’t give him cookies for breakfast – but for some reason that’s what he was asking for….so I knew he was ok.  After lying in bed for a few minutes we finally roll out of bed and he fell to the floor. I didn’t think anything of it. I thought maybe he was just playing. But then he tried to get up and fell again. So I thought to myself, “Oh Crap! His leg!” So I went over to him and asked him to walk to me. And he couldn’t. He limped over and any time he put actual weight on his leg he would fall over. Of course I started crying again. I thought, “OMG I hurt my baby! I actually hurt my baby!” Then I hugged him and I said I was sorry and my wonderful little boy looked at me, gave me a hug and said “I’m ok mommy. I’m all better. My knee hurts but I’m all better.” He didn’t cry. He is smiling and laughing and my heart is breaking. I checked his leg again. I poked and prodded and got no reaction….so I know it’s not broken. No visual bruise but a little swelling. My poor little baby is hobbling around the house, playing with his toys, not paying the limping any mind…while I am sitting here watching him, ready to cry again, and thinking…..I am the worst mom ever….at least for right now.

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4 comments on “I Feel Like the Worst Mom Ever

  1. It’s ok, mama! Thankfully these tiny humans are pretty gumby-like and hard to do any real damage to but I understand your guilt and fears. Sounds like you have a super sweet little man, though, who loves his mama… and his cookies! (I totally would have given in on the cookie request, by the way… sweet treats make guilt go away, right??)

    • He is running around and he is always so happy…but I think I still need to change my hours. These 10 hour days are killing me. I think I will change them and see how we do then. We will see….
      Thanks for your reply!

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